Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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