I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
