Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
