I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
