I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
