Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
