my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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