ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
