I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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