the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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