dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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