It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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