This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize