explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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