Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We are all done wearing pants today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
