I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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