oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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