i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
