She said her name was "party"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
