Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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