Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
