you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A bitchslap is in order.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
