it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
