he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
