There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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