will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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