Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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