you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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