Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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