If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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