That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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