9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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