dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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