And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
