so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
