16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
