i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's the barista slut.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
