last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
