nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I supernannyed him into submission
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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