They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
