OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
