weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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