Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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