Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
