Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
