I bet he comes in French.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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