Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
