even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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