is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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