I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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