You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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