It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
