Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
