Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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