Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
