Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
