I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
