so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
