so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
