Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
