"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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