Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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