I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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