Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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