I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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