the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
