Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
