dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize