I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
