You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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