i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
