you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
